This is, in layman's terms, a crisis of Global proportions which is going to impact people's finances.
Head of business at the Zurich Finance Operation, Dr Ivinkwirfuct, said:" Initial reports indicate that the GFC will be an event of epic proportions which will affect everyone, no matter what sex, age, race or religion they are. In the eyes of the GFC, everyone is fair game."
Travellers may now have to think outside the box
to get where they are going
"This GFC is going to hit YOU in both pockets, wherever you are in the world, and it will deal a critical blow to your wallet."
Dr Ivinkwirfuct went on to say that because of the GFC, or Global Financial Crisis, travel as we know it will never be the same again.
He continued: "This is a total catastrophe for anyone who wants to go anywhere. Airlines are going out of business faster than you can say XL and oil wells are drying up quicker than mini-bars."
In light of the shocking news, we have decided to bring you our top travel tips as recommended by a panel of economic and travel experts.
The rising price of oil is raising the
cost of travel and causing many airlines to go bust
Relieve yourself before flying. On top of their rising costs for
refreshments, taxes and baggage, airlines are going to start charging
money to use the bathroom. If you have a long flight ahead, book a
window seat and bring a plastic bottle and a blanket with you.
Take pride in being 'a cheap bastard' as one Chicago company
executive has done. Do your best to cut employees' business travel
costs by replacing taxi trips with bus tickets and refusing to pay for
If you need to travel in the holiday season and you are of the
Christian faith, consider changing your religion. There are many
cultures which don't celebrate Christmas. Embrace one of them before
December and save yourself a pocketful of cash.
Keep your money in a money belt. Banks have been using sneaky
charges to steal money from customers for centuries under the proviso
that they keep your money safe. Now that they are as secure as a
condom with a hole in it, withdraw your patronage.
If you're thinking of travelling light - think again. Time was you
could just stock up on toothpaste and underwear at your destination.
Not any more. There's a GFC. Haven't you heard?
Do things that you don't want to do. Broadway and West End shows
like Les Miserables, Chicago and Blood Brothers may be crap, but you
can often use discount and two-for-one vouchers to see them. It's a
great way for all the family to kill time – time when you could be
Bring your own food. Customs officials may frown on you bringing
meats, fruit or cheeses from one country to another, but this could
save you vital pennies. And even if your actions do cause some kind of
viral outbreak, everyone will be too consumed with the GFC to notice.
Be prepared to sleep in the airport. Many airlines do cut price
flights at ridiculously inconvenient times when no one in their right
mind would want to arrive and no form of public transport is running.
But if you are prepared to catch a few winks propped up against the
luggage conveyor belt, you could save yourself precious currency.
Think outside the box when it comes to holiday destinations. The
industrial province of Liaoning in China may not be everyone's cup of
tea, but it allows you to put together your own cheap travel itinerary
without having to pay any tour operators their cut.
Anyone going to the industrial province of Liaoning in China is
advised to bring a smog mask with them and keep an eye on their
valuables at all times.
Don't travel. Taking some time to really get to know your own
surroundings is the best money saving travel tip.
Have you noticed the crack that runs down the wall behind your kitchen
cooker? To an ant that looks just like the Grand Canyon, while a fly
might think it looks more like the Great Wall of China....