This is, in layman's terms, a crisis of Global proportions which is going to impact people's finances.
Head of business at the Zurich Finance Operation, Dr Ivinkwirfuct, said:" Initial reports indicate that the GFC will be an event of epic proportions which will affect everyone, no matter what sex, age, race or religion they are. In the eyes of the GFC, everyone is fair game."


"This GFC is going to hit YOU in both pockets, wherever you are in the world, and it will deal a critical blow to your wallet."

Dr Ivinkwirfuct went on to say that because of the GFC, or Global Financial Crisis, travel as we know it will never be the same again.



He continued: "This is a total catastrophe for anyone who wants to go anywhere. Airlines are going out of business faster than you can say XL and oil wells are drying up quicker than mini-bars."
In light of the shocking news, we have decided to bring you our top travel tips as recommended by a panel of economic and travel experts.

The rising price of oil is raising the
cost of travel and causing many airlines to go bust

1) Relieve yourself before flying. On top of their rising costs for
refreshments, taxes and baggage, airlines are going to start charging
money to use the bathroom. If you have a long flight ahead, book a
window seat and bring a plastic bottle and a blanket with you.

2) Take pride in being 'a cheap bastard' as one Chicago company
executive has done. Do your best to cut employees' business travel
costs by replacing taxi trips with bus tickets and refusing to pay for
room service.

3) If you need to travel in the holiday season and you are of the
Christian faith, consider changing your religion. There are many
cultures which don't celebrate Christmas. Embrace one of them before
December and save yourself a pocketful of cash.

4) Keep your money in a money belt. Banks have been using sneaky
charges to steal money from customers for centuries under the proviso
that they keep your money safe. Now that they are as secure as a
condom with a hole in it, withdraw your patronage.

5) If you're thinking of traveling light - think again. Time was you
could just stock up on toothpaste and underwear at your destination.
Not any more. There's a GFC. Haven't you heard?

6) Do things that you don't want to do. Broadway and West End shows
like Les Miserables, Chicago and Blood Brothers may be crap, but you
can often use discount and two-for-one vouchers to see them. It's a
great way for all the family to kill time – time when you could be
spending money.

7) Bring your own food. Customs officials may frown on you bringing
meats, fruit or cheeses from one country to another, but this could
save you vital pennies. And even if your actions do cause some kind of
viral outbreak, everyone will be too consumed with the GFC to notice.

8) Be prepared to sleep in the airport. Many airlines do cut price
flights at ridiculously inconvenient times when no one in their right
mind would want to arrive and no form of public transport is running.
But if you are prepared to catch a few winks propped up against the
luggage conveyor belt, you could save yourself precious currency.

9) Think outside the box when it comes to holiday destinations. The
industrial province of Liaoning in China may not be everyone's cup of
tea, but it allows you to put together your own cheap travel itinerary
without having to pay any tour operators their cut.
N.B Anyone going to the industrial province of Liaoning in China is
advised to bring a smog mask with them and keep an eye on their
valuables at all times.

10) Don't travel. Taking some time to really get to know your own
surroundings is the best money saving travel tip.
Have you noticed the crack that runs down the wall behind your kitchen
cooker? To an ant that looks just like the Grand Canyon, while a fly
might think it looks more like the Great Wall of China....

The Tortoise in Cyprus as in most countries is classified as an endangered species and as such are no longer allowed to be imported freely without restrictions. However that being said it is still fairly easy to own a tortoise in Cyprus and as they enjoy the climate so much they tend to live better and subsequently breed fairly easy.   You can often tortoises for sale in pet shops and at village fete stalls, sometimes even given away as prizes. Tortoises are quite easy to look after but they do require regular bathing in the summer months to keep them cool and a nice sheltered place to hide from the midday sun - we have bought ours a small dog kennel which they appear to love which is lined with newspaper and substrate. Then for bathing we have sunk a shallow plant pot tray into the ground which has a water drip system which keeps it topped up.  Tortoise are a easy maintenance pet and their food mainly consists of green leaves and weeds, mine also like flowers especially dandelions!  If you do not provide a shelter you may find that your tortoise will dig very deep and bury himself which could be a problem. 

Apparantly tortoises still roam wild in the northern turkish owned area of Cyprus, however I was very lucky to obtain mine by searching on a local forum.   We travelled by car from Paphos to Episcopi where the lady who breeds tortoises lived expecting to come away with one tortoise, so imagine our surprise and absolute delight when instead of one we came away with six so maybe one day we many have our own little hatchlings.  You can see Tortoises at the Paphos Bird and Animal Park.

I used to keep a tortoise in the UK and it was such hard work keeping him happy with the lack of sunlight, so constantly buying heat lamps and UV lamps so it is just so lovely to see them now living happily going in an out of their hide when it suits.

Please see below some pics of my tortoise family known to us as `The Sids'.

We hired a car and drove from Polemi via beauftiful country roads passing through small villages with souvlavki cooking outside on the barbecues, older men sitting outside their coffee shops watching the world go by, passed the spectacular view of the damn and into Vouni Panayia where we visited the winery.  We were the only visitors there at the time (4 of us) but were welcomed and given a tour of the winery before proceeding down the stone steps to the wine cellar where we sampled some excellent wines, the Alina was one of our favourites which is made from grapes selected from the east of the area called Xinisteri.  We purchased quite a few bottles along with some Cabernet Sauvignon which was also delcious. 

After this we drove a few miles further to see what was around and came across at the top of a hill overlooking a picturesque valley the Monastery of St Neofytos. Outside the Monastery there were several local traders with their market style stalls selling local produce of nuts and grape orientated sweets along with a coffee shop where you could sit and enjoy an iced frappe and admire the views.

At the entrance to the Monastery however was a most peculiar looking tree which was heavily propped up to keep it erect.  The sign proclaims the tree to be a Pinus Brutia which is a pine tree which can be found throughout the forests of the Troodos.  The forests actually cover one quarter of the island of Cyprus.  However, this tree is somewhat different to the usual tall upright tree in that it has two large bulges from its trunk - have a look at the pictures and then I will leave to your imagination.
 

Pictures of the props holding the tree upright are shown below
 

 

 

 

Then below a photograph of the two round testicular shape growths!
 

Oh dear only noticed this sign when it was too late  - oops!